Dear Inner Self, I Can’t Understand You!

You know that time of life where you wish to say so many things but then you end up saying nothing? That’s me since childhood, every now and then. Not good with spoken meaningful words, so I write.

Being English not my first language I am making and probably will always make some mistakes, however I hope that the message will pass it through, anyway. To whom, I am not sure. Maybe I’m just writing to talk to my Inner Self.

I’m one month and a half close to my 29th birthday and I’m thinking back about all the things I was supposed to do as a plan for this year – giving myself some answers:

  • Did I travel like I wanted? Yes.
  • Did I make new significant friends? Yes.
  • Did I help people? Yes, in my own ways. 
  • Did I inspire others? Yes. Super glad!
  • Did I make any mess around? Probably, yes. Completely unwanted. 
  • Did I make this mess useful? Not sure yet.
  • Did I show care and love to my Friends and family? Yes, very happy about it. 
  • Did I understand that things don’t come as fast as I want them to come? Yes, got it. 
  • Did I clean up all the pain from the past? No, I didn’t.
  • Why? I tried.
  • Did I forgive people, including myself? In my mind yes, in my heart no.
  • Did I face my fears? Yes, I did.
  • Did I beat it? No, I just faced it. Already a big step. 
  • Did I express my emotions? I’m good on WhatsApp, forget real life. So, no I didn’t. 

 

  • Do I think I’m ready?  YES, I DO.
  • Do I feel I’m ready?  NO, I DON’T.

 

It was kind of useful to write this all above, I am now laughing of how complicated I am. 🙂

Well, needless to say that mind and heart usually speak different languages, but maybe I kind of hoped they would speak some sort of Spanish/Italian/Portuguese which are similar. Not in my case: They speak Modern Standard Arabic and Ancient Korean.

“Nice, thank you so much for your help guys! You’re making my life so colorful. I speak 6 languages and not even one is useful to understand you!!”

That is how my life goes: an infinite dialogue between Mind and Heart, trying to connect with each other on a “mission impossible” sort of thing. And me going here to follow my mind’s advice, and then there to listen to my heart, then back to here and then again back to there. And again and again like this.

“This is exhausting guys! I shall find  a translator for you two!”

Somebody help me, please! 🙂

 

 

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