I woke up this morning with a huge desire to write. Not about travels, not about cultures, not even about people, but just about me and my inner change. Something I needed to report in black and white so that I can remember the day I won the war.
As I said on my Instagram post, it’s been some tough years recently and I did write about some of my challenges here and there. Some people keep telling me I’m too deep and I take life too heavily, but you know what? I’m fine like this. I can only live on emotions because I know that they are the only ones who can keep me alive.
Clearly, this post is about love.
I have always thought that love was a kind of strong, painful feeling and never saw it for what it really was: magical. My past relationships, or heavy infatuations, were just another punch in the stomach as I kept running away from feeling the magic. I used to think too much, and never listened to my heart as I knew it would have been too risky to be vulnerable. But I did feel strong emotions for a person, though I was in an endless conflict between my mind and my heart, with the result of not being myself at all. Well, actually, the only time I let my heart talk was after drinking alcohol. Indeed, not a healthy way to live! So the only option was escaping.
Escaping through the world, always meeting new and interesting people; some of them are just like family to me, while I lost some of the others during my growth path. It’s life, and it’s beautiful like this. Understanding that the people who are meant to stay in your life, they actually stay, no matter what.. it is something priceless.
Life! What a big gift. I love it in all its forms. I love the way how it gives us challenges to overcome, crossing paths with people and realizing that nothing is a coincidence. Everything is well thought by the so-called destiny, to help you rise from your inner fears. And so I did! I finally rose from the biggest fear of my life: love.
Recently I discover a new me, well, probably the me that I’ve always wanted to be: the girl who unlocks those chains tied to my heart and lets it work properly. No more restrictions on that, no more unsaid feelings, no more escaping. I want to be vulnerable like I have been these past months, as it is the only way I could find out that I am finally in love with myself.
I could not realize this by myself. Life gave me the greatest gift ever: an honest and kind person next to me, for whom I fought with my mind yelling at me to “run away!”. This time, I stayed and my heart won the final war.
This is not to say that my daily fight was because I needed to find a man who suits me, no! I needed to get to know my true self and feel in love with it. THIS.. is my real victory!
Cheers to a new loving life!
feddysworld 