Time to say bye to this experience too. Time to fly away again. It gets even hard to write about it, there is a lot to say, a lot to express and a lot to lock in that space called heart.
I used to appreciate my experience in China more than anything else in life, for what it taught me, for how i got the chance to grow up and for how much I learnt, living and being able to integrate myself in a culture that is closed to everybody. It was a success and a great satisfaction to me!
What I didn’t expect after that was finding something more difficult. And I was wrong: Sri Lanka topped the table. The main reason? It’s all about waiting and money.
Waiting: something that kills me. It kills my energy, my mind, my passion, my patience. I’m the kind of person that prefers a straight “yes” & “no”, instead of lots of bla bla bla around and not a clear answer. I’m the “Just Do It” kind of person, and I hate to be slow and lazy. What’s more: the fear of people to communicate between each other, to be clear, to solve problems, is still something I am not comfortable with. Escaping from uncomfortable situations is the main trait of this culture which doesn’t give me harmony. With the final consequence that I am never relaxed.
Money: I put it in capital letters: NOT EVERYBODY. But..
It is a world run by money though… The concept of money is fundamental. The majority of the people dream about money every single day. This happens in lots of places globally nowadays, and I got caught in this thought for quite a while as well, to be honest. I wanted more and more money, I’m not sure why. Maybe to travel? or maybe not?
I stayed 3 months in the island without travelling abroad and I spent the same amount of money that I usually spend for international flights, hotels and trips to discover the world. Where did I spend all these money? Drinking, going out most of the time. What did I get in return? Nothing, except headaches, illness, low immune system and a general unhealthy life.
It is a world run by money as said, but you realise that few people can make THE difference. And Sri Lanka can change in better.
Nothing to get offended for, but critics are important to be taken in the most rational way, in order to do the needful.
(By saying this I want to underline the fact that my country is NOT better than others, intact it is the opposite. Everybody now knows the sad thing of Italy and how we, italians, are destroying what our grandfathers and fathers built with huge efforts)
So why the faith sent me here and I stayed for one and a half year?
- To learn. To understand that people are different, and I can’t force them to act like I want them to do. It’s their lives and their society, not mine.
Accepting this is a step forward to reach my aim of the perfect balance I should have in life.
- To read between the lines, understand when someone is lying, or faking a smile. (And I’m so good at this now that I could win a competition =P)
- To meet and know lots of people, but to keep my circle very small and let other people go. Real friends are few ones.
- To get rid of what makes me unhappy, even if it’s a job with a competitive salary.
- To realise that “racism” exists even for white people, especially if you are a girl.
- To lowering my standards of potential boys to meet and get to know each other. I can’t expect them to be like my father, he is ONE.
- To understand that if a boy makes you feel safe with his presence, it doesn’t mean it’s the love of your life. Nope. He can be a great friend, but nothing else rather than that.
- To trust the vibes I get, energy doesn’t lie.
- To learn how to love myself (still working on it), to be honest with myself first and then with others.
- To understand that hiding feelings gives you the same exact amount of pain than expressing them and not being reciprocated. It’s actually even worse: it makes you not being yourself and the only thing you feel when realising this, is regretting your young stupid mind.
- To love, each and every moment, sad or happy ones.
- To learn that I’m lucky enough to consider my life to be free, and the only two people I should be thankful to are my parents, who accepted to let me go.
- To realise that we all are a bit selfish, taking meaningful people for granted, not spending time with them, while they are still there… waiting for us.
- To understand all this and moved up the flight to go to them, that have been waiting for me since always… to go home!
Got to learn a lot. And after all, I have never thought that packing one and a half year of my life would have been so damn difficult: each of my stuff carries a memory and an emotion with it.
Thank you Sri Lanka, to be my “third home”!
Lots of Love.
Now, time for THE question: What’s next? ….