Escaping, With A New Heart

November 2nd, 2016 

And I’m turning 28 today. So grateful for all the experiences I have done and tasted during the last year. Definitely, I should be grateful for all the mistakes I have made as well, as it was the only time I could realise some of the most important things in my life, including my biggest fear, that sooner or later drives me to chose the same option: Escape.

People come across your life to teach you something, always. And it’s something that you don’t learn in that moment, it comes with time, hidden tears and a lot of thoughts. As a reckless and well determined girl I could not accept the word “failure” in my reality. But I’ve learnt to do it now. I have learnt to accept to have failed in not being myself in specific occasions, and give the love that I have always wanted to give to few people, recently, and not.

Probably the wall that I put in between me and some people it’s not just an other “wall of trust”, but a “wall of vulnerability” and it’s there to say:

Hey! you know, if you break this wall you’ll not find that strong independent woman walking on heels everyday, trying to have everything under control. In fact, you’ll find a little girl in need of some big and warm hugs.

And that’s my fear to show that I’m vulnerable. Too much probably that I get hurt soon. 

“I thought that in order to be strong and powerful I had to be tough and put up a good fight, putting up protective layers of resistance. Ironically, in an effort to be strong, I was giving up my power.”

So here I am, still moving but so damn happy and joyful. I know what I have to do.

I’ve never done any promises to myself until now probably, but now I think it’s time to make it one: I’ll promise to be the crazy, reckless, strong girl that can finally show how sweet she can be and that the love she can give is worth all these tough times.

I’m still escaping, but with a new heart.

Welcome 28! 🙂

 

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